These Advice given by A Dad That Rescued Us during my time as a First-Time Father

"I believe I was just in survival mode for the first year."

One-time reality TV personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the difficulties of becoming a dad.

Yet the actual experience rapidly turned out to be "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health complications during the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was thrust into becoming her chief support while also caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I handled all the nights, each diaper… every walk. The role of mother and father," Ryan stated.

Following 11 months he became exhausted. It was a conversation with his parent, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The direct phrases "You aren't in a healthy space. You require assistance. In what way can I support you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His story is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. Although the public is now more comfortable addressing the strain on moms and about postpartum depression, less is said about the difficulties new fathers face.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan believes his challenges are part of a broader failure to talk amongst men, who continue to absorb negative ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and remains standing with each wave."

"It isn't a sign of failure to seek help. I didn't do that soon enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not justified to be seeking help" - especially ahead of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental well-being is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the space to request a respite - taking a short trip away, separate from the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he required a change to consider his and his partner's emotions alongside the logistical chores of looking after a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has changed how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will assist his son better understand the vocabulary of emotional life and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen was without consistent male parenting. Despite having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, deep-held trauma meant his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing feelings caused him to make "bad choices" when he was younger to alter how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as escapism from the hurt.

"You turn to things that don't help," he explains. "They can short-term modify how you feel, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Advice for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - when you are overwhelmed, tell a trusted person, your spouse or a therapist what you're going through. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the pursuits that allowed you to feel like yourself before becoming a parent. This might be playing sport, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the physical health - nutritious food, physical activity and where possible, sleep, all are important in how your emotional health is faring.
• Meet other new dads - listening to their stories, the difficult parts, along with the joys, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Know that requesting help isn't failing - taking care of your own well-being is the most effective way you can care for your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the death, having not spoken to him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead provide the security and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - expressing the frustrations safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they acknowledged their struggles, changed how they express themselves, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I expressed, on occasion I believe my purpose is to guide and direct you on life, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding as much as you are through this experience."